*** AND NOW... *** *** AN ANIMANIACS SPECIAL PRESENTATION *** ANIMANIACS THEME Y/W/D: It's time for Animaniacs And we're zany to the max So just sit back and relax You'll laugh 'til you collapse We're Animaniacs! Y/W: Come join the Warner Brothers Dot: And the Warner Sister, Dot Y/W/D: Just for fun we run around the Warner movie lot. They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught But we break loose and then vamoose And now you know the plot! We're Animaniacs! Dot is cute and Yakko yaks. Wakko packs away the snacks While Bill Clinton plays the sax. We're Animaniacs! Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe. Goodfeathers flock together; Slappy whacks 'em with her purse. Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse. The writers flipped; we have no script Why bother to rehearse? Cast: We're Animaniacs! We have pay-or-play contracts. We're zany to the max There's baloney in our slacks. We're Animanie, Totally insane-y Wakko: Transformer manie [Shot of Wakko in front of a huge set of shelves. The shelves are covered with every Transformer toy, video, comic, and other product ever produced. One shelf is dedicated entirely to the legendary/mythical/often-wished-for- but-entirely-imaginary Skyfire, Nightbird, Elita-1, Unicron, Arcee, etc. toys. Another shelf prominently displays the books, special edition toys, etc. from Botcon '94 and '95.] Cast: Animaniacs! Those are the facts. [Following the Animaniacs theme, the Cybernet Space Cube appears (bearing an Animaniacs logo in place of the usual Autobot/Decepticon logo) and undergoes its usual scene-change transformation. The next scene is the intro to a "Pinky and the Brain" short.] P-TB INTRO SONG Galvy: Gee, Brain. What do you want to do tonight? Brain: The same thing we do every night, Galvy... Try to take over the world! [Throughout the intro song, whenever and however Pinky normally appears, Galvatron appears instead - waltzing around the lab in a straight-jacket, a tutu, etc.] Y/W/D: They're Galvy and The Brain, They're Galvy and The Brain. One is a genius; the other's insane. They are well-rehearsed, To control the universe. They're pals-y; They're Galvy and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain. [Following the intro, the Cybernet Space Cube appears on the screen again, but freezes instead of revealing the short's title screen. The following whispered conversation is heard, but not seen.] Y: That's not right! Where'd this script come from? D: There's something fishy - and it's not in the state of Denmark. Y: Let's try a "Katie Ka-boom" instead. [The Cybernet Space Cube finally transforms and reveals the cosy house of Katie Ka-boom. The "Katie Ka-boom" theme begins.] KATIE KA-BOOM THEME He's Galvy Ka-Boom, Galvy Ka-Boom He leads his troops, spreading gloom and doom The Decepticons know that anytime soon Their fearless leader Galvy goes ka-boom. [Once again, the Cybernet Space Cube appears following the short's intro and freezes in place. Another whispered conversation takes place.] D: Who in the name of cartoon characters everywhere are "Galvy" and the "Decepticons"?! Y: Now it's gettin' scary. Let's cut to a commercial. [The Cybernet Space Cube transforms the screen.] **Commercial Break** [The Cybernet Space Cube reappears and transforms to reveal the interior of the Warner water tower. Wakko is busy tinkering with his Wakkogluified Transgobulator. Yakko and Dot are staring at the pointlessly-transforming frame around the screen.] D: (pointing) What in the name of classic cartoon effects is that? W: Oh, that's just the Cybernet Space Cube. Y: Another bright idea from the execs at the Fox Kids' Network? W: Oh, no. Hasbro gets all the credit for it. Isn't it just faboo! Y/D: Hasbro? D: (aside) That could explain a lot. Y: Wakko Warner, what have you done?! W: Well, "Mixing Up the Scripts" was fun... Y: Yes - and... W: And I've always wanted to work with some of my all-time fav telly stars... D: (aside) I have a very bad feeling about this. Y: So? W: So I took the computer from "Mixing Up the Scripts" and I dumped the Animaniacs characters in it together with some other characters from the telly and... Y/D: AND?? W: And voila! - today's show. Y/D: (looking at viewers) Be afraid. Be very afraid. BUTTONS AND MINDY [More Cyberized transforming effects lead to the "Buttons and Mindy" Lassie-theme. However, instead of Buttons running towards Mindy and falling off a cliff, Ravage takes Buttons' place. More superfluous transforming effects lead into the short.] [The short begins with Galvatron, Ravage, and Mindy in a small room, empty except for a single support- post in the centre of the room. Mindy is fastened to the pole by the ubiquitous child safety-harness. A single open door leads out of the room into a corridor.] G: (to Mindy) Puny fleshling, you cannot escape. Remain here! M: Okay, Mr. Metal-head man! Love you, bye-bye! G: Don't call me Mr. Metal-head man! Call me Galvatron, Decepticon Ruler Supreme; call me Lord and Master; but _don't_ call me Mr. Metal-head man! M: Okay, Mr. Metal-head man! G: (muted shriek of frustration) (to Ravage) Now Ravage, we need this pesky fleshling child as a hostage. Keep her out of trouble and don't let her out of this room! [Ravage growls in acknowledgement. He lays down on guard by the post as Galvatron exits the room, closing the door (which slides shut from both sides with a loud clang) behind him. Mindy begins bouncing her ball. It bounces off the door control-panel and opens the door just as Laserbeak flies down the corridor.] M: Ooh, pretty birdy-robot! [Mindy pulls a pin out of her hair, picks the lock on her harness and toddles into the hall following Laserbeak.] M: Wait for Mindy, shiny birdy-robot! Love you puppy, bye-bye! [Wakko appears in a cyber-bordered inset appears in the upper left corner of the screen.] W: No, don't call him a puppy, call him a jaguar!! M: Okay, love you puppy, bye-bye! [Wakko rolls his eyes in disgust, then gets dragged off-screen by the cyber-inset.] [Seeing Mindy disappearing into the hall, Ravage jumps up and takes off after her. Mindy is still bouncing her ball, which bounces off the opposite corridor wall, rebounds, and hits the outside door controls. The door bangs shut with Ravage half-way through. [Mindy follows Laserbeak out of the building. On the way, she triggers several defense systems. Mindy strolls through them unscathed, while Ravage gets singed by lasers, smushed flatter than a microchip by a dropping ceiling, etc. Mindy loses sight of Laserbeak but follows her bouncing ball onto Astrotrain. Ravage races up just in time to get a faceful of Astrotrain's afterburners as he takes off. Ravage (with characteristic 'toon crispy-fried appearance) makes a blind jump to grab hold of one of Astrotrain's wings. [Approaching an Autobot-Decepticon battlefield, Astrotrain banks sharply (ditching Ravage), then lands and opens his doors for the Decepticons to unload supplies. Mindy follows her bouncing ball out unnoticed. Mindy spots Buzzsaw.] M: 'Nother pretty birdy-robot! [Mindy continues bouncing her ball as she heads into the middle of the battle, following Buzzsaw. She passes Ravage, crawling out of a Ravage-shaped hole in the ground.] M: (giggling) Silly puppy! Love you, bye-bye! [Wakko appears in the cyber-inset again, this time on the upper right of the screen.] W: No, no, no! Don't call him a puppy, call him a feline!! M: Okay! Silly puppy! Love you, bye-bye! [Wakko throws up his hands in annoyance as the inset turns on its edge and disappears.] [Just as Ravage finishes crawling out of the hole and wobbles to his feet, Astrotrain turns around, transforms to locomotive to build up speed for take-off, and runs into Ravage. [Mindy wanders unnoticed through the battle, following Buzzsaw. Ravage (with one side imprinted with the bars of Astrotrain's cow-catcher) catches up to her. Mindy walks between Devastator's feet unharmed; Ravage gets stepped on.] M: (to Defensor) Whatcha doin'? Def: Waging battle. M: Why? Def: To destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons. M: Why? Def: To protect the universe. M: Okay, I love you, bye-bye! Def: (to Devastator) Cute kid. (double-take) CUTE KID?!? [Defensor gets flattened by an uppercut from Devastator while he's gawking at Mindy wandering untouched through a mine-field while Ravage gets blown into the air repeatedly by the mines she triggers. Having lost sight of Buzzsaw, Mindy climbs Trypticon's tail for a better view. Trypticon swings his tail just as she slides safely off, whacking Ravage on the other side and sending him flying through the air to bounce off Metroplex's leg. Mindy crawls between Metroplex's feet to pick a flower and sees Ravage on the ground.] M: (giggling) Silly puppy! [The cyber-inset appears in the screen's lower right corner.] W: NO, NO, NO! Don't call him a puppy! Call him a cat!! M: (giggling) Okay! Silly puppy! Okay, I love you, bye-bye! [Wakko snatches off his cap and wrings it in his hands in frustration as the inset shrinks out of sight again.] [As Mindy toddles off again, Metroplex is forced off-balance by Trypticon. He steps sideways, landing heavily on Ravage and squashing him into the ground. The tremor from his footstep makes Mindy drop her ball. She follows the rolling ball. It rolls down one slope, up another, and into Astrotrain (back with more supplies). Mindy follows the ball into Astrotrain just before he closes his doors and takes off again. [Back at Decepticon HQ, Mindy (carrying her ball and wearing her flower in her hair) scurries into the small room she started in and refastens her harness. Ravage painfully crawls in, sees Mindy, and collapses in relief just as Galvatron walks in.] G: (sees flower) Ravage! Bad boy! I told you not to let her out of the room! No energon-treats for you! [Galvatron leaves room.] M: (hugs Ravage) Silly puppy! [Wakko's inset appears in the lower left corner. Wakko looks a bit wild-eyed.] W: No, no, no, no, no! Don't call him puppy! Call him jaguar; call him feline; call him cat; even call him kitty; but DON'T CALL HIM _PUPPY_!! M: (giggling) Silly puppy! Okay, I love you, bye-bye! [Wakko yanks off his cap and starts jumping up and down on it just as the Cybernet Space Cube appears and transforms, "irising out".] **Commercial Break** [The Cybernet Space Cube zooms in and opens up to reveal the water tower's interior. Various superfluous transforming effects (with their accompanying sound effects) continue around the edge of the screen.] D: (staggering dizzily while watching the edge of the screen) We're gonna lose our audience. Y: (looking - literally - green and holding a hand to his mouth) I'm gonna lose my lunch. [The Cybernet Space Cube does its usual scene-change thing. The interior-shot of the water tower is replaced by an exterior-view of the water tower and studio. An assortment of Autobots and Decepticons are battling on the studio-lot. Galvatron and Rodimus Prime are locked in hand-to-hand combat beside the water tower.] RP: You will not succeed in your evil plot, Galvatron! G: Give up, Autobot! I _will_ take the Wakkogluified Transgobulator and you cannot stop me! [Cyber-cube transforms to show Yakko, Wakko, and Dot watching the battle through the water tower door.] Y: Does he know what the Wakkogluified Transgobulator does? D: Of course not. Why would a giant alien transforming robot want an incredibly-complex gizmo designed for the sole purpose of activating a whoopie-cushion in a time-consuming-but- entertaining manner? Y: Good point. [Cyber-cube transforms again to return to the Autobot-Decepticon battle. The Autobots are clearly in deep trouble. Arcee shows up and transforms from her vehicular mode to robot mode. The cyber-cube transforms again to show the Warners.] Y/W: Hellooooooo, Giant Robot Nurse! Y: Maybe we should go help them. W: Let's go! D: I think I'll wait right here. [Cyber-inset of Springer arriving and transforming to robot mode appears in the lower right corner of the screen.] D: (eyes lighting up) On second thought - wait for me! [The Cybernet Space Cube transforms to reveal the Warners calmly strolling up just as Galvatron prepares to obliterate Rodimus, Arcee, and Springer. Wakko pulls a bow and a plunger out of his Wacky Sack and shoots the plunger at Galvatron's cannon, blocking the end of it and attracting his attention.] Y: Hi. I'm Yakko. W: I'm Wakko. D: And I'm *cute*! G: Puny flesh creatures - prepare to meet your doom! Y: (aside) Real original, isn't he? Y: (to G) Aren't you forgetting something? G: What? Y: Well, being an evil villain, you are contractually required to explain your plan before you get rid of us. G: Oh. Well, first I'm going to kill you, then I'll dispose of these annoying Autobots, then I'll steal the Wakkogluified Transgobulator, then I'll take over the universe. Muah-ha-ha-ha!! Y: Oh. Okay. I guess you know, this means WAR-NERS. W: I believe the Anvil Song would be appropriate about now. D: Agreed. But Wakko, please don't sing flat this time. W: Flat? I never sing flat. Y/D: Yeah, right. THE ANVIL SONG Y: (sung) An anvil's black and shiny D: It's very heavy too W: So watch out, my shiny friend Y/W/D: Or one will fall on you! >>clang!<< D: (spoken) Wakko, I told you not to sing flat. W: So sorry. RP: (trying to shove a rather large anvil off his foot) Uh, right. Apology accepted. But please don't do it again. Y: Right. Let's take it from the top again. And this time, Wakko, Y/D: STAY IN TUNE!! Y: (sung) An anvil's black and shiny D: It's very heavy too W: So watch out, my shiny friend Y/W/D: Or one will fall on you! G: (spoken) On me? Muah-ha-ha-ha! >>clang!<< D: That wasn't pretty. Y: But it had to be done. G: (shaking a rather large anvil off his head) Muah-ha-ha-ha! Puny flesh creatures! Muah-ha-ha- ha! I shall destroy you all! W: It's unstoppable!!! Y: Call in the National Guard! D: Or Tonya Harding's bodyguard! W: Let's sing it again! Y/D: OK! Y: (sung) It's made of solid iron D: It weighs a ton or two W: We know you'd like to meet it Y/W/D: It wants to meet you too! G: (levelling his arm-mounted cannon at the Warners) Meet this, you miserable little... >>clang!<< D: (spoken) (looking at the extremely large anvil sitting in an extremely large hole in the ground) Well, I guess that takes care of him. Y: Yep, that should about wrap things up for today. W: So why isn't the Cybernet Space Cube zooming in to iris us out already? Devastator: (trying to lift the extremely large anvil) Devastator will save you, mighty Galvatron! Y: I think we just met today's special friend. "Mighty" Galvatron? Woah, dumber than advertised. W: One more verse? Y/D: Okay! Y: (sung) An anvil's really heavy D: It makes a big crash too W: As you'll find out, in just a sec Y/W/D: When this one lands on you! >>clang!<< D: (spoken) I love a happy ending. Y: Sometimes I just love when it ends. [A ridiculously-humongous anvil is sitting in a ridiculously-humongous hole beside the extremely-large anvil sitting in an extremely-large hole. The only Decepticons in sight are beating a rapid retreat and do NOT include Galvatron and Devastator. The Autobots are all standing around gaping at the Warners. Cybernet Space Cube transforms and takes off.] **Commercial Break** [Cybernet Space Cube zooms in and runs the Animaniacs' usual water tower closing shot and credits (which run a little longer than usual due to the added Transformer voice and art credits). The Cube transforms again to show the usual parting shot of the water tower door. This closer features Dot looking out the door.] D: Giant alien transforming robots... go fig. [Dot closes the door and the Cybernet Space Cube transforms one final time and zooms away.] ******************************************************************************* First, I'd like to say that I absolutely, positively refuse to apologize for this fanfic. If you didn't like it - tough!! I had fun writing it, and that's all that matters. If you're unfamiliar with either the Animaniacs or the Transformers (especially the G2 Cybernet-Space-Cubed versions of the cartoons), then you probably didn't "get" this at all. Oh well. Second, I owe a large debt to all those (far too many to list here - see the actual files for their names) responsible for several files from alt.tv.animaniacs (namely, _The Animaniacs Quotation File_, _The Animaniacs Mega Lyrics File_, and _The Nifty Animaniacs Reference File (FAQ)_ ). I never could have quoted verbatim and/or altered the themes, the Anvil Song, etc., etc., etc. without these wonderful references. Third, all the usual disclaimers apply: The Animaniacs characters and names are trademarks and copyrighted by Warner Bros., Inc. The Transformers characters and names are trademarks and copyrighted by Hasbro and Marvel. This story is fan-fiction and may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, without the express permission of the author. An unaltered copy (and I do mean _UNALTERED_!) may be kept in personal archives. If you wish to place it on a web or ftp site, please contact me for permission first. This story is distributed free of charge and MAY NOT be placed anywhere where its distribution will involve a charge. Fourth, e-mail me comments (no flames, please! I'll just ignore them) at: az529@freenet.carleton.ca OR dcalder@mnsi.net Diana Calder July 1995